So Long, Old Bean

This post has nothing to do with Devendra or Natalie. But have you seen his new haircut? Have you seen her new movie? OML! Kidding, kidding, kidding.

On to the post and new years, hello, goodbye, etc, etc, etc….(don’t know why you say goodbye, I say hello, oh, oh, whoa, oh, oh…)

I usually try to give up one or two things around New Years, and Lent, and sometimes on Sunday morning when I am not feeling so “hot.” But this year, given our digital outlet to the world- right here on this scrolling list of news- and the fact that my youth is officially “over” (an ugly birthday passed, let’s not talk about it, like, ever) I thought what better way to keep myself honest than to blast my givin’ ups out to the world. Keep in mind, many of these are just for one year, as it would be impossible to say goodbye forever.

1. So long, cheesesteaks – This is very, very difficult for me. Very difficult. Some people like to smoke, some people like to drink, some people like to do drugs- I like to cheesesteak (and once in awhile, okay lots in awhile, cheesfry). It is in my DNA, and dating back to ole Antonio Mazzei and his grocery cart in South Philadelphia. But I must fight it. I must not relent to Pat’s or Steve’s or the ever so dangerous Wogies.

2. So long, chicken cheesesteaks – These also count. And this is also very difficult for me.

3. So long, PBR – It’s time. The jig is up.

4. S0 long, Chuck Taylor’s – It’s time. This jig is also up.

5. So long, late night journeys into the abyss of the Meat Packing district- There once was a time when it was only a few blocks stroll for me to leave the realities of my day to day, nite to nite, for the area between 9th and 10th, 12th to 14th, and exit responsibility for excess. This year, I will limit my adventures to Organicoa cocoa on the high line, and ping pong in the beer garden. When the sun sets down over the Hudson- I am out of there. This same thought goes for Bourbon Street.

6. So long, talking on my cell phone – You can call me crazy, but according to my Uncle, using a cell phone is the equivalent of putting a microwave to your ear, and I believe him. If you see a funny California number show up on your end, it’s me, I am calling you from Gmail to tell you to log on so we can vid chat.

7.  So long, size 34 and growing –  I understand the inevitability of growing out of my clothes from the turn of the century, but I am going to try to push it another year or so by using the treadmill in our basement at least twice a week. UPDATE: I began this post a couple days ago, and I have yet to get down to the basement, other than to take out the trash and do the laundry.

8. So long, Holy sweaters – I am not saying I am going to throw them out, all I am saying is that I am going to make an honest effort to sew them up. Though, come to think of it, a few have passed the point of no return. But the stories they remind me of- how can I say goodbye?

9. So long, defending my neighborhood(s) – After leaving New York for the better part of a year this year, I have come to grips with the fact that the single most irritating trait of any New Yorker (including myself) is their tireless defense of how “cool”  or “great” or “good, better, best” their neighborhood is when in fact what makes each neighborhood of New York so wonderfully wonderful is it’s proximity to so many others, and the diversity presented while merely afoot. So, I am done going on and on about how nothing compares to Carnegie Hill- even though, it is a fact, that nothing does. There, I am done. However, I am going to go on and on about the Marigny for at least a couple more months. As the neighborhood and I are still merely Newlyweds in my mind.

10. So long, pretending to know or care about anything regarding the regular season in sports – I can’t do it anymore. (Get it? Bengals, regular season.) I am sorry everyone, but the fact of the matter is I just don’t have the time (or a TV) to keep up with everything. I sincerely do hope the Phillies win the World Series, and the Saints win the Super Bowl, but far be it from me to tell you who is or who is not on the injured reserve this week. I understand if this clearly makes me not a “real” fan. But it is just time and circumstance. Like I said, none of these are forever.

That’s all I got!

Have a Happy New Year,



2 responses to “So Long, Old Bean

  1. You’re funny Ant.

  2. Funny, how? Like a clown? Like I amuse you?

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